when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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