I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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