Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think my tv is drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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