I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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