tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize