my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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