You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.