dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
