awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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