He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
