We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
