i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
