girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
