worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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