sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
