When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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