is your mom at the bar?
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
