I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
