remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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