just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
