i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize