last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
