hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
