Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
