I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
