My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
