This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
