Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
