he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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