Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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