no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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