A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
