hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
