They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
