dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
