If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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