im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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