She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
