Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid

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(251): View more from Alabama

2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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(210): View more from Texas

She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.

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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(740): View more from Ohio

The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".

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(801): View more from Utah

His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.

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