In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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