just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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