Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so much tequila, so little girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
