You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
