I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
