I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
