I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
