someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
