Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
