Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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