my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize