This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
