How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Boobs are out for the taking
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize