Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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