After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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