if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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