4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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