this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
