i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the day after is always just damage control
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
