hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
