She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
