uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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