I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
