They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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