so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
