why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it hurts more in the daytime
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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