I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
