Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
