We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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