Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
