the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
