I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
