look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
