For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
