i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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