I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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