I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
