Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
