Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
